It saddens me that your efforts to honor Stuart would be seen as anything other than loving, compassionate and supportive for others who find themselves in the same situation Stuart did 10 years ago. I hope and pray hearts are opened and your true intentions are recognized.

Warmes Blessings,

Sheri

I guess one could ask whether a memorial is a political purpose. For us as organizers, we have no agenda or goals to pursue directly related to the memorial except to provide a forum where those of us who knew Stuart can come together and remember his life and recognize the many changes that have come about within our community that did not exist 10 years ago, tools and community which might provide a safety net for others like Stuart. If our public actions tell just one young man he is loved or just one young woman that she is needed and wanted as part of a religious community, then our memorial will have been a magnificent success. If our public actions provide a community for even one family who has suffered alone and in silence, then we have met our goals.

By all accounts, Stuart was a dedicated, faithful, loving, religious Mormon supported totally by his family. His struggles were very personal and very private, yet there was his death - uncomfortably violent and public. Stuart’s funeral 10 years ago was a beautiful memorial to him and the building was filled with members and non-members there to mourn his passing and support his family in their time of loss. Because his death was so public, and because his story has continued to surface in the intervening years, forever tied to politics, there are many who have heard of him and who mourn him, even though they didn’t know him.

Fred and Marilyn write, “Stuart’s last and tragically public act was a plea for understanding, and those who knew him noticed how much he was hurt and affected by the increasingly prominent and bitter political and religious debates that were roiling the community.”

Stuart’s act did thrust the family into a rather bright (and political, and sometimes scary) spotlight. Right when they were trying to come to grips with the confusion and pain that is left after a suicide, the media circus jumped in and wrote its own meaning onto Stuart’s death. How could the media resist the thought of a gay Mormon killing himself on the steps of an LDS chapel in the midst of a political debate on gay marriage to which many LDS members donated their time and money? The media easily and quickly made Stuart into a martyr for gay rights and activism, something his family vehemently and rightfully denies.

And yet, Stuart’s very public death does mean something to our community as a whole. Many who comment here both publicly and privately note that Stuart’s suicide was what moved them to take action: To stop being complacent, to stop being silent in their quiet support of those whose struggles are similar to Stuart and his family’s. Many began asking if quiet was support was enough to put an end to quiet desperation. And many decided silence and voting their consciences at the ballot box alone was not enough, and so they were spurred on to action - sometimes religious, sometimes political, sometimes both.

The purpose we’ve envisioned for the memorial is to reach out to those same people the Matises are trying to reach, those “individuals who may be suffering, isolated, or in despair. To give hope, encouragement, and faith to them. To inspire them and lift them up.” Our pleas are the same as Stuart’s - we are seeking understanding and an end to knee-jerk reactions. We are seeking to broaden the community to include everyone, even if they feel inside that they are not worthy or deserving of God’s love.

We’ve worked very hard to make this event a memorial, not a protest or rally. It is not a time for sending disrespectful messages to the LDS church or to us, its members.

We encourage anyone considering attending the pre-dawn memorial service to take into full consideration all points of view and decide for themselves the best way to remember Stuart’s legacy in their lives. Those wishing to do so reverently and publicly are welcome to join us. Those wishing to do so privately will do so on their own terms. Those wishing to write about the positive moments Stuart’s life (or death) brought into their lives are welcome to share them in comments here. Those wishing to contact the Matises with messages of support, thanks or condolence may do so via questions@northstarlds.org.

As published on North Star’s Northern Lights blog, the following statement has been made available by North Star at the request of Fred and Marilyn Matis.

We have recently learned that a day-long event is planned outside the Los Altos, California Stake Center of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints on February 25th to commemorate the unfortunate death of our son, Stuart Matis. Without wishing to suggest that those involved in this event have anything but the best motives and utmost concern for Stuart Matis and the rest of our family, we wish to state unequivocally that we do not support or endorse this event in any way. We further state that we do not condone use of Stuart’s death for a political purpose of any kind.

We understand the event organizers’ concern for LDS Church members and others to have a better understanding of the difficulties associated with same-gender attraction.

Since Stuart’s death, we have tried to honor his love and memory through inviting men and women struggling with this issue, individually and as families, into our home, and by holding regular firesides that testify of the Lord’s love for all of His children. We’ve also seen his name honored as leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ have made greater efforts to extend their reach in a more compassionate effort to let all people affected by this issue know that that are loved of God, even as they affirm and encourage them to maintain their covenants….

[We'd encourage everyone to read the full text of the Matises' comments at the Northern Lights blog. (It's our policy not to copy full blog posts from other sites here.) The letter is important to read, and in the interest of respectful conversations which we've tried to foster here, we are happy that Fred and Marilyn have a supportive place to share their concerns.]

“I feel Stuart had both a great need for love and a great capacity for love. This was evidenced by the extreme concern he had for young Latter-day Saint homosexuals. He spoke often of the teenage boys and girls who were beginning to face their homosexuality. He anguished over their loneliness. He despaired over the realization that many of them would go through the same cycle he had gone through. He wanted to save them from experiencing the anguish of soul he had suffered.

“Stuart intended that the ultimate act of his life would somehow help these young people. In his letter to his family, he wrote, ‘Perhaps my death … might become the catalyst for much good. I’m sure that you will now be strengthened in your resolve to teach the members and the leaders regarding the true nature of homosexuality. My life was actually killed many years ago. Your actions might help to save many young people’s lives.’ “