Feb.21.2010
2:14 pm
by Laura
Conversation and Healing
Much of the work we’ve tried to do here at Mormons for Marriage involves communicating. More than just talking at each other and past each other, we’ve tried to come together and share our stories and listen, really listen, to others. Those respectful discussions have fostered growth and new experiences and friendships and have opened the doors to greater understanding, tearing down walls of prejudice and fear.
Now comes a new project, Proposition Healing, to take the conversation out of the ether and get it into reality. Thanks to Carol Lynn Pearson and so many other friends and acquaintances, this new website has some suggestions for how you can begin the conversation in real life, face to face.
Consider bringing some friends together and filling each other with food for the body and the soul.
Invite some friends (or soon-to-become-friends) to hear your story (or to hear the story of one of your gay friends or one of their family members). You can sit around the dinner table or out on the deck or around the fireplace or wherever you feel comfortable sharing together and learning from one another.
Make it a time of respect and support, not debate. Ask and answer questions and realize that you might not change someone’s mind on politics, but you will let them know that they can no longer say they don’t know any gay people or any people affected by misconceptions and stereotypes about gay people. And that small crack may be all that’s needed to let in the warmth and sunshine of love and respect.
That love will help all of us overcome defeat and make the bitter sweet; it will give us the will to mend, to change us from foes to friends. That love will go out like the ripples in a pond and will return amplified to bless each of our lives.
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A couple of nights ago I responded to a post my daughter (an active member of the Mormon Church) made on Facebook. I was very civil and only posed a question regarding her comment. After about 15 or so comments (all civil) she decided to take it down for fear it would become a debate. I was deeply hurt since it was the most we had conversed over anything other than kids, weather and cooking in a long time (ever since I left the church over their involvement in the gay marriage issue AND after developing a different spiritual philosophy.)
I was so upset that she had censored me I didn’t sleep at all that night. The next morning I posted this comment of my own:
“I used to only resent the Mormon Church for their involvement in the gay-marriage issue, but now they have robbed me of having a philosophical or intellectual conversation with my children…now it’s personal.”
That was yesterday morning, and as of right now the thread has over 150 comments on it. Non-Mormons, prior Mormons like me, active Mormons all got involved. Gay, straight, bi, etc. all had something to say. I was so angry and hurt when I started the thread I decided not to pull any punches. I wanted everyone, especially my children to know how frustrating it is for me not to be able to have open, honest, authentic, dialoge with them unless my words and ideas are sanctioned by the church.
What ensued was utterly miraculous. At some point after the mud slinging had escalated to some pretty hurtful words, my amazing and precious daughter made a light hearted post that went something like this:
“Now that we all know what divides us and how different we are, how about we focus for awhile on what unites us…I’ll start.” And she went on to tell a little bit about herself. I now know more about my FB friends than I ever imagined; their dreams, their fears, passions, where they came from, why they believe what they believe, and why they are so hurt over the gay rights issue, and why some chose to follow their prophet without question.
As the posts became more cordial, yet personal, and more revealing than guarded, it was like we all began to have a great big love fest.
Reconcilation occurred between my daughter and I in a big way, with the added bonus of people on polar opposite sides of the issue coming together in the spirit of friendship. Although to my knowledge no minds were changed - I still believe the church is wrong on the gay-rights issue - and I believe they need to lighten up on what their members are allowed to discuss openly - for some reason right now, I care a little bit less about our differences and cherish more what unites us.