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Healing After the Last Ballot is Cast

When the phone banking, donating, meeting, emailing, facebooking, sign posting, interviewing, u-tube uploading, twittering, blogging, talking, myspacing and bumper sticking is over we are still sisters and brothers.

All of my family and extended family, most of my fellow church members and some dear friends are against gay marriage. It has been hard to be different.

It does not matter which side wins or loses, we can show love, compassion and tolerance for one another before proposition 8, and mostly likely we still do.

For me, I will use some of the resources mentioned in the first sentence let everyone know I love and care about them.

We can absolutely respectfully disagree and find the common ground of love. We are all on this planet to help each other.

How will you reach out with love after November 4, 2008?

Filed in Help & Support - LDS | 13 responses so far

13 Responses to “Healing After the Last Ballot is Cast”

  1. 1T.J.on 03 Nov 2008 at 6:44 am

    Thank you, Lisa, and everyone else for all your efforts toward preserving marriage rights for gay couples in California. I am so glad there are groups like yours around!

    I just wanted to remind everyone to get out and vote. And take someone along with you!! Remember, while Church members have been asked to be “donating of [their] means and time,” it’s imperative that we donate of our means and time, too. In so doing, we are living the principles we have been taught: educate with love, participate prayerfully in the political process, and vote our values.

  2. 2M.Mon 03 Nov 2008 at 7:06 pm

    Healing? How do we heal? Our Stake Presidency presented “Six Consequences” the 3rd hour of Sunday meetings, as a slide presentation to all adults and youth over 12 years old. It was clear to us “Six Consequences” didn’t pass the “smell test.” So, we came home and did our own research, located the Goodnews Employee Assoc. court case on the internet and it confirmed our suspicions. We wrote our Bishop and furnished him a copy of the court case. He ignored us. We wrote the 1st Counselor in the Stake Pres. and furnished him a copy of the case. We met with him. He was very sympathetic and told us they were going to pass our letter “up the chain.” Two weeks later following a Stake Priesthood meeting, “Six Consequences” was being passed out to those leaving. A couple of weeks later our Stake President met with us to inform us they received instruction from Pres. Clayton not to use “Six Consequences” any longer because it was “divisive (and they had not passed our letter “up the chain” but apparently had become aware of Morris Thurston’s critque.) We have lost faith in our leadership, not only for their inability to see lies and distortions but for the way we were treated. Blind obedience is what our Bishop believes. Why should we follow blind leaders? Stuart Mattis, Curtis Rognan we will be thinking of you when we vote.

  3. 3Lauraon 03 Nov 2008 at 7:50 pm

    Healing is definitely not an easy process. Our leaders are human beings, just like we are. One of the hardest things about this proposed constitutional amendment is that it cuts to the very heart and core of who we are. People on both sides are fighting to preserve the things they value most – love and family and children. People on both sides have sacrificed much to preserve, protect and defend all that they hold dear.

    There is a balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole
    There is a balm in Gilead to heal the sin-sick soul
    ———
    Who am I to judge another when I walk imperfectly?
    In the quiet heart is hidden sorrow that the eye can’t see.
    Who am I to judge another? Lord, I would follow thee.

    I would be [another's] keeper; I would learn the Healer’s art;
    To the wounded and the weary I would show a gentle heart
    I would be [another's] keeper – Lord, I would follow thee.

    Savior, may I love [all others] as I know thou lovest me,
    Find in thee my strength, my beacon, for thy servant I would be.
    Savior, may I love [all others] – Lord, I would follow thee.

  4. 4Franon 04 Nov 2008 at 10:05 am

    I don’t know if this helps or even fits, but I’ll share a personal experience from my mission that has personally taught me a great deal. On my mission the music rules were pretty strict. We were only allowed to listen to Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I really love music and am greatly uplifted and inspired by it. Serving a mission in Greece was tough, and I needed uplifting things a lot. MoTab to me wasn’t very uplifting because I thought they weren’t a very good choir (at that time…I think they have gotten a lot better ;), and so I was frequently frustrated with the music rules and really tempted to listen to my choices of music. I wouldn’t have made bad choices like rock music or anything…it would have been other church music, and classical music -nothing questionable. But alas, I was not allowed to listen to it, and I was pretty upset about it. I hung in there, because I wanted to be obedient, but the whole time I felt like this music rule was just “wrong” and uninspired. Eventually I talked to the AP about it, because it frustrated me so much. He told me to simply pray about, and if Heavenly Father said it was ok for me to listen to something else, then that’s all I needed. At first I was kind of surprised by the suggestion but then thought, of course, why not pray? All I need is Heavenly Father’s input and that’s all that matters. So, off I went to pray. I got an answer, and the answer really surprised me. When I prayed, I felt very clearly that yes, the rule was indeed not really necessary for me, and that the music choices I would make were good choices that would invite the spirit. But, I also felt strongly that my mission president was still learning and progressing, and that his growth was also dependent on my supporting him and letting him grow through his choices as well as mistakes. Basically I felt that though my music choices would be good, supporting my president so he could learn and grow was what Heavenly Father hoped of me.

    It was really baffling to me so think that maybe sometimes we have to just hang in and let someone do their thing, not because what they do is right (or wrong) but just because we need to support and allow others to grow and progress, and that it’s not always all about us.

    So, maybe this thought will help us to remember no matter what the outcome is, that in Church and anywhere for that matter, sometimes we have to put up with bad things/wrong things, just to allow others to grow and progress and learn. No one is perfect, and no one in the Church has claimed to be. I think we often forget that Church leaders are also just one of us who have been called to serve, during their free time, and despite all their personal challenges and weaknesses.

  5. 5Tayloron 05 Nov 2008 at 7:35 am

    I agree with Fran. We need to remember that we, as humans, are imperfect and fallible. We need to keep our faith strong and continue on in the gospel, living it the best we can everyday! Of course there will be things we don’t agree with, or maybe we don’t see as right, but hopefully we can hang in there and not let it affect our faith in and love for the gospel! Let us find comfort in the beauty of the gospel and the wonderful plan Heavenly Father has given us.

  6. 6S.J.on 05 Nov 2008 at 7:00 pm

    I agree with M.M. this issue has cut me right to the core. It’s hard to step foot into the church again, knowing they had SO much to do with this proposition that I consider hateful, misleading, and untruthful. This proposition directly affects my family and friends, and all I can do for them now is issue an apology from myself about the church and it’s stance which I don’t agree with.
    I know many of you are still strong in the church, I don’t know if I can be. I’m being honest with myself, and I just don’t know if I can do it. It is going to take a lot of time for me to “heal” from this. I’m glad to find I am not the only one who feels that this initiative was wrong, and reading all your responses has helped me a lot.
    I don’t know any of you, but I thank you all for helping me in this time where I felt I was the only one.

  7. 7upset older sisteron 05 Nov 2008 at 7:17 pm

    The Yes on Prop 8 decision has ripped my heart and mind in two.

    Growing up in a very strong LDS family with pioneer ancestors and knowing I am gay was hard enough. Having the majority of my family disapprove and vote against my marriage is devastating.

    And the kicker is my little sister is getting married in the temple in June. Everyone is really excited and to add insult to injury she has asked my wife and myself to be bridesmaids at her reception in the cultural hall to show that there are no hard feelings.

    The holidays are going to be interesting.

  8. 8Tom Dibbleon 05 Nov 2008 at 8:35 pm

    S.J.: I am in the same predicament. I feel deeply betrayed, and just as deeply disgusted at the thought of Heavenly Father’s one true Church being put to such a use.

    As I wrote in my blog, “I hope and pray that a few years down the road we will be able to reconsider this decision and remove this hateful exclusionary passage from our Constitution. The trend in California is noticeably in the direction of tolerance over hatred, given that this measure passed with significantly less of a majority than the previous non-amendment version had eight years ago. Unfortunately countless souls will suffer in the meantime. I pray that they will be strong. We WILL overcome.”

  9. 9cowboy IIon 06 Nov 2008 at 8:36 am

    I can understand why you’re upset older sister. Imagine! Being asked to be bridesmaids at the wedding reception? Isn’t that like being invited to a buffet but you can’t touch anything?

    You get the “privilege” to stand in the line at the reception. Does your younger sister know the meaning of the word: condescending?

    In this case, take the higher road. Enjoy the holidays. You’re happy for their nuptials and even will even buy something for the couple from Pottery Barn but stand firm. I would avoid the reception if at all possible.

  10. 10M.M.on 06 Nov 2008 at 10:20 am

    From the Salt Lake Tribune: “And the campaign proved divisive for many LDS Church members, some of whom were chastised by church leaders and other members for their opposition. Some said the church’s activism led them to a personal crisis of faith.
    Clayton said he had no firsthand knowledge of such hostility, and advised members hurt or confused by the church’s involvement to seek counsel with their bishop to understand the doctrinal basis for the church’s position.”
    With all due respect Pres. Clayton you have no firsthand knowledge because you allow none. Letters to you and the leadership are sent back to local leaders. I don’t need to seek counsel from my bishop, what I need are answers from you as to why the Church chose to rely on false and misleading statements to conduct the campaign against Prop. 8. How one fights is every bit as important as the fight itself.

  11. 11Lisa D.on 06 Nov 2008 at 4:59 pm

    These past couple months have been torture, being the only member of my ward apposing Prop 8 and the only member of my hard-core LDS family opposing 8 as well. But I alwats knew i was doing the right thing. Now I am left with a gaping hole in my heart for the homosexual community that has been wronged by my religion. My family can hardly believe that i am so sympathetic to their pleas. My mother asked me point blank if i believe the prophet receives revelation from the Lord. I am no longer sure of this. I want to believe that my God is a benevolent God that wants all of His children to be happy and that He loves us as we are. The “Leviticus” example of the Lord is hard for me to imagine. But how can “my” God be the God that told the prophet to support Prop 8?
    Where does this leave me? If I don’t believe that there was revelation that said that gays shouldn’t marry, where do I stand about other revelation. I can’t pick and choose parts of the religion to believe or reject. Mormons are all or nothing.
    My friends at church are making an effort to get over my political stance on this matter, but I know they are having a hard time understanding how I couldn’t follow the prophet on this one. I see them as foot soldiers for bigotry, which may sound mean, but lets face it, we lost this one. I have faith that the courts will overturn this horrible prop 8, but then we have to this all over again?? I can’t go thru this again and sit in church listening to this rhetoric. I am so confused as to what to do. any advice?? I wish we could start a branch of no on 8 members of the church. then i wouldn’t feel so alone.

  12. 12Lauraon 06 Nov 2008 at 5:40 pm

    Lisa –

    There are lots of people who feel just like you who are trying to figure out how to balance their views on gay marriage and the gospel You might enjoy this thread about how to speak up in church: http://mormonsformarriage.com/?p=28

    You might also find some of the blogroll links helpful, especially the ones under “LDS” and “Help & Support – LDS”

    Another site that was created during the Prop 8 debates is http://www.GaysandtheGospel.org.

    Welcome to a community that is working together to figure all of this out. And, finally, this quote from the Church’s statement about the recent election may help you discuss things with your family:

    “Before it accepted the invitation to join broad-based coalitions for the amendments, the Church knew that some of its members would choose not to support its position. Voting choices by Latter-day Saints, like all other people, are influenced by their own unique experiences and circumstances. As we move forward from the election, Church members need to be understanding and accepting of each other and work together for a better society.”

  13. 13Not Molly Mormonon 06 Nov 2008 at 7:31 pm

    I am an active single (all my life) Mormon living in NY from Southern California girl.  Growing up in So CA 20+ years ago I had many gay friends in high school when it was not acceptable to be gay.  I remember the hateful things other students would say to them and even threaten them with violence.  I enjoyed my friends for the funny smart kind people they were and did not care if the others students no longer liked/accepted me because of my association with my gays. 
     
    Many years later, I still have many gay affiliation some whom I met while attending various wards in my adult years.  I now have a gay nephew who came out to me at age 18 whom I love and support very much.  I encouraged him to be honest and tell his parents, he did. 
     
    After reading many posts on this website I have these questions – Why are so many people thinking about leaving the church over this issue?    Was your testimony that weak to begin with and are you looking for any reasons to leave the church? Why are so many members afraid to speak there minds with their LDS brothers and sister?
     
    I have been taught by example from a LDS mother to speak up and stand up for what I believe. Sometimes it is just me alone in church with my beliefs/opinions.  It has sometimes been a scary experience to stand alone, but after it’s over and done I am always glad I did.  Who knows what influence I have had on others by voicing my opinion!!

    I will continue to attend church every Sunday because I know the gospel is true.  I will continue to speak my mind because that is the free agency my Heavenly Father has given me.  

    I challenge you all to do the same!! Let your voice be heard!!

    It’s not about the people, it’s about the gospel!!!!